I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
