this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
