normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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