he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
