I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
birth control should be required to get into college
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
