When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
