im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
