If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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