those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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