Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
