Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My vagina just clenched in fear
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
