Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize