I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
me + whiskey = a bad person
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
