while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
