I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
