Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
