woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
