saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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