i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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