my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
