Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
