I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
