You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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