fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
