It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.