If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.