At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
