cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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