I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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