Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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