i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
