he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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