I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
