Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
