Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
