I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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