Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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