dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
