This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
