she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He did a backflip because drugs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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