What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize