So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
