if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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