is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
