morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
