Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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