I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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