and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
