i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
