we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
