There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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