a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
