im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
