I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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