awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Im part way to drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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