dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't deserve a penis
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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