She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
