can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
