rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
