my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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