This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
