vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
