Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
