the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
