If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
