just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
