herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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