in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.