So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
