it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.