I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.