a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.