I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.