Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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